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The Hunger Games

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 Now2349's Characters

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The Loveable Epic Fish

Female Posts : 197
Join date : 2014-05-22
Birthday : 2000-10-06
Age : 18

Character sheet
150/150  (150/150)
Character Name::

PostSubject: Now2349's Characters   Thu May 22, 2014 5:33 pm

Name: Victoria Jacklyn
Age/Birthday: age 16, October 6
Gender: Female
Rich or Poor: Rich
Weapon Of Choice: spear
Physical Appearance: Victoria has very long, blondish brunet hair which is constantly in her face. This is why is is is always tied back in a fishtail braid. She has a very long face to with a gloomy look. She usually dresses kind of goth like to.
Personality: Victoria is the type of girl your don't want to make mad. Usually when she gets mad she will throw stuff mostly spears. Luckily, for the most part she is a very calm, kind girl. She is also very excited to participate in the games.
Flaw: She is not very sneaky especially when it comes to spying on people.
Talents: Singer, Archery, Running
Family: Donna= mother Alan = Father Johnny= brother
Pets: Bubbles the fish
Brief History: Victoria, surprisingly came from a very calm steady family. Times sometimes were hard but it was never for long. She even got to go to school which most kids never did. She is very thankful though for her education and her loving family.
Preferred Angles: cool,amazing,beautiful
Angles this tribute will not do: guilty, weak,annoying
Token: Dolphin necklace

Last edited by Tori2349 on Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:05 am; edited 2 times in total
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Retired Admin

Female Posts : 4070
Join date : 2012-03-02
Birthday : 1997-11-02
Age : 21

Character sheet
150/150  (150/150)
Character Name::

PostSubject: Re: Now2349's Characters   Thu May 22, 2014 8:37 pm

Heyo! Welcome to the site! My name is Sorella, but you can just call me Sor! I don't usually accept or tell people what to fix with characters but lucky you today you get me, a trusty advisor!

So first of all I'd like to say good first efforts on making a character, I only have a few concerns for you right now. First one was her weight and height proportions they were kind of off. Eighty pounds is way too underweight for a 5'2" female, I'd go with the early 100's - 110's and such on that should give you a good range. My second concern was more with your sentences, they aren't exactly what I call a sentence, and you could expand them a bit more. For example.

"Mother had cancer when she was 11" Could transition to "Her mother had cancer when Victoria was eleven years old."
"Had amazing family" could turn to "While in a tough time her family had been absolutely amazing and continued to be amazing."

You could also expand a bit just in those major sections like the appearance and personality and bio. Like tell more about her life, how did she deal with the death of her mother? how close is she with her brother? how do they interact? Also she could just use some more negative personality traits becuase her persona is a bit of a marry sue for the moment. For appearance, what's her skin tone like? how big are her feet and such on.

My last concern is the fact she has know last name, she needs one.

So just revise these things make some edits, and comment below when you edit, and I'll be back or another staff will be to review your character further. (:
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's Characters   Mon Jun 16, 2014 10:07 pm

Victoria is accepted!
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