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 Now2349's New Character

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Tori2349
The Loveable Epic Fish
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Female Posts : 197
Join date : 2014-05-22
Birthday : 2000-10-06
Age : 17

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PostSubject: Now2349's New Character   Fri May 23, 2014 4:53 pm

Name: Kelly knight
Age/Birthday: 17 December 6
Gender: Female
District: 3
Rich or Poor:Poor
Weapon Of Choice: Bow and arrow
Physical Appearance: My character has blue eyes with light straight hair. She it tall and weighs 115 pounds. She is about 5'2 and has a light skin color. Typically she is a  normal person, her clothing style is average. She has beautiful long eyelashes with beautiful cheek bones.
Personality: She is a caring, but tough person. She is loving but can really fight for her rights. She is not someone you would want to encounter in the Games She will rip you to pieces. She is also very intelligent.
Flaw: She is terribly afraid of spiders, she is also not very fond of the out doors in general.
Talents: Amazing with a bow Awesome with a mace Knows how to cook can make fire in minutes.
Family: Karen- mother Zachary- Father Johnny-brother
Pets: Buddy her dog
Brief History: Her mother died when she was 6 due to an illness she had. Her brother died when she was 10 due to a electric  accident. Her father died when she was 14 due to another illness. She was forced to feed and take care of herself for most of her life.
Preferred Angles: Dangerous warrior cool
Angles this tribute will not do: Crazy,wild, weak, annoying
Token: Ocean pin
Other:


Last edited by Tori2349 on Mon Aug 25, 2014 10:32 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Fri Jun 13, 2014 4:45 pm

Name: Nick Jay
Age/Birthday: 17, December, 31st
Gender: Male
District: 6
Rich or Poor: Rich
Weapon Of Choice: Mace
Physical Appearance: Nick is very handsome. He is a very muscular, tough guy. He is very strong by working out all day long besides his duty's at home. He is also 6'1 and weighs 175 lbs.
Personality: Nick is a brutal warrior. He never takes no for an answer and is very very strict. He can be kind but it is very rare since he grew up in a tough family. He is also has a very high confidence level.
Flaw: he cannot find water very easily.
Talents: threw the farthest in javelin contests. Is great at keeping himself alive on his own. Can make fire in less that 15 seconds.
Family: (Nick has no family he was given up for adoption at age 1. His foster family is brutal.
Pets: no pets
Brief History: When Nick was growing up he had no friends or family. That is until his foster family adopted him at age 5. He had a very hard foster family though they wanted him to grow up fast and learn to be independent. Since his family was so tough on him when he was 13 he vowed to never have kids because he did not want to be hard on them like his Foster parents were on him.
Preferred Angles: Cool, interesting, amazing
Angles this tribute will not do: vicious, mean, angry,
Token: an anklet from his foster father
Other:


Last edited by now2349 on Tue Jun 17, 2014 7:15 am; edited 3 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Mon Jun 16, 2014 4:20 pm

Sorella wrote:
Heyo! Welcome to the site! My name is Sorella, but you can just call me Sor! I don't usually accept or tell people what to fix with characters but lucky you today you get me, a trusty advisor!

So first of all I'd like to say good first efforts on making a character, I only have a few concerns for you right now. First one was her weight and height proportions they were kind of off. Eighty pounds is way too underweight for a 5'2" female, I'd go with the early 100's - 110's and such on that should give you a good range. My second concern was more with your sentences, they aren't exactly what I call a sentence, and you could expand them a bit more. For example.

"Mother had cancer when she was 11" Could transition to "Her mother had cancer when Victoria was eleven years old."  
"Had amazing family" could turn to "While in a tough time her family had been absolutely amazing and continued to be amazing."

You could also expand a bit just in those major sections like the appearance and personality and bio. Like tell more about her life, how did she deal with the death of her mother? how close is she with her brother? how do they interact? Also she could just use some more negative personality traits becuase her persona is a bit of a marry sue for the moment. For appearance, what's her skin tone like? how big are her feet and such on.

My last concern is the fact she has know last name, she needs one.

So just revise these things make some edits, and comment below when you edit, and I'll be back or another staff will be to review your character further. (:

Similarly to Sor's earlier concerns, many of the sentences used to write your characters are incomplete. A sentence generally must have a proper subject and a verb. We understand that some people struggle with this kind of thing, so we have a help thread here. Other than that, here is a list of problems with your characters that need to be addressed before they can be accepted.

KELLY
- Her physical appearance needs another sentence. If you need some help expanding, you can separate an existing sentence into two parts, add something about her typical clothing style, or add something about her facial features.
- With all those talents, she should have a bigger flaw than not being great at math. It could be a personality flaw, or something that would negatively impact her in the games, or an extreme phobia, or something of that sort.
- "If you were to come into contact with her during the games here is a piece of advice don't." is not exactly a coherent sentence, and would be better as something like "She is not someone you would want to encounter in the Games", but if you change everything else listed on here, I'll let it slide.
- The term "spaz" is mildly offensive and I would prefer not to have it used.

Other than that, aside from a few more grammar mistakes, Kelly should be fine.

NICK

- Please change three of the sentences in his appearance so that they have a proper subject. For example, please change "very handsome to the eyes" to something like "He is very handsome to the eyes."
- Please add another sentence to his personality.
- Please add another sentence to his history.

If you address all of the issues listed here correctly, someone should be along to accept your character soon. You may post again here notifying us when you have edited your characters to reflect these changes. Please note that you do not have to repost the character just to make a change. There is an edit button for a reason.

Hopefully this gave you some guidance and if you have any further questions, feel free to post again below this.

However, in the future, please try to be more polite to staff. We're here to help you.

Thanks!

- Rainy

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Tori2349
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Mon Jun 16, 2014 5:24 pm

Thx rainy i just updated my characters so if your could review them one more time that would be great!

-Now2349
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Mon Jun 16, 2014 6:07 pm

Kelly is accepted! You are now free to RP Kelly in the districts.

Nick needs another sentence in his physical appearance, and a more prominent flaw, since there would be very little diving in any District but 4 anyway.

Who is the third character you mentioned? The very first one?

Thanks for your cooperation!
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Tori2349
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Mon Jun 16, 2014 9:25 pm

Yes the one whos name is Victoria Jacklin oops will fix nick right now lol
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Tori2349
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Age : 17

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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Mon Jun 16, 2014 9:29 pm

Just fixed nick and I now have no clue where diving came from. Lol xD
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Tori2349
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Age : 17

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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Mon Jun 16, 2014 9:34 pm

I actually have a question? So in the post it said Kelly got accepted so since she is from district 3 can she only role play in District 3?
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Tori2349
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Age : 17

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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Mon Jun 16, 2014 9:40 pm

Name: Skylar clark
Age/Birthday: 18, June 16th
Gender: female
District:4
Rich or Poor: poor
Weapon Of Choice: Bow and arrow
Physical Appearance: Skylar is a tall and skinny 18 year old female tribute. She has beautiful brown eyes, and brunette hair to match her personality. She is very muscular and strong and like to workout. she is 5'2 and weighs 120 pounds.
Personality: Skylar is a crazy yet fun person who loves to hang with her friends. She is also a very tough warrior. She even has a record for shooting the most arrows in the center of a target in the district. She has a very tough family who is always there to push her to do her best.
Flaw: she cannot block shots very well
Talents: She accuracy is perfect, most of the times she shoots a arrow. She is also very talented with a mace but no one really knows that she is. she can also Be so sneaky she can steal your food and you would not even know it.
Family: Skylars mother sadly died when she was about 13 years old. Leaving her father to take care of her and her younger brother. That meant that skylar was forced to help feed and take care of her younger brother johnny. she did all of this while her father worked to help bring in money for the bill, and to provide food for everyone.
Pets: none
Brief History: skylar had very rough childhood. She was forced to take care of her family when she was only 13. That meant that she really ad no sort of childhood. She even had to learn how to pay the bills and be able to feed her family.
Preferred Angles: Innocent, Cool, Cute
Angles this tribute will not do: Mean, nasty, cruel
Token: A necklace with a fish on it
Other:
NOTE:THIS IS DONE!


Last edited by Tori2349 on Fri Aug 22, 2014 3:26 pm; edited 5 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Mon Jun 16, 2014 9:43 pm

Name: Spencer Jackson
Age/Birthday: 14, July 17
Gender: male
District:12
Rich or Poor: poor
Weapon Of Choice: Sword
Physical Appearance: Spencer is not a very muscular guy, yet he has some muscle. He is pretty plain and simple for the most part. He is Very tall with short dark hair, and hazel eyes. He has a long slim face just to match his body.
Personality: Spencer is a very gentle guy, for example he helped a baby bird that fell out of its nest back into it. He also has a great sense of humor. He could make even the worst time seem not so bad. He also is very kind, and he does not like the idea of violence.
Flaw: Spencer is no the best at cooking regular food besides bread.
Talents: Spencer is very handy with a sword, for example he can tackle a person in less than three minutes. He is very talented in disguising himself as plants. He is also very talented in learning how to sing to birds. He even grew up with his beautiful mothers voice singing him to sleep which help him become very quiet.
Family: Spencer's father is a baker for district 12. His mother was head of the house which left her to do all of the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children. His brother is very rambunctious which can get him into trouble.
Pets: None
Brief History: Spencer's Father was born and raised as a baker, while him mother took care of him and his younger brother. Spencer luckily had a very easy life. Apart from the fact that his name would go into the district's ball for the reaping every year. Besides that Spencer had very few friends and not much of a place to call home. He would spend lots of hours in his fathers bakery though.
Preferred Angles: mysterious, funny, cool
Angles this tribute will not do: ugly, mean, rude
Token: None
Other:
NOTE:THIS IS DONE


Last edited by Tori2349 on Mon Aug 25, 2014 10:25 am; edited 4 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Mon Jun 16, 2014 10:05 pm

I'll go check out Victoria for you, but first off, all Nick needs now is a more significant flaw. Diving and swimming pretty much have the same issue, which is that there's not much opportunity to swim anywhere except for District 4, so pretty much everyone is just assumed to not be great at swimming unless otherwise specific.

As for your other question, yes, we don't allow random transport between districts, so right now Kelly can only RP in District 3. Thanks!
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Tori2349
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Tue Jun 17, 2014 7:12 am

Okay I will think of one for Nick I really appreciate all of your help it means a lot!
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Tue Jun 17, 2014 4:55 pm

Nick is accepted, but in the future, please try to give your characters bigger flaws. Maybe something about their personality that could be a drawback? Nobody's perfect. Thanks!

Skylar's is kind of too powerful. I would recommend just mentioning archery as a talent instead of unrealistic specifics if you don't want to research what would be realistic specifics. Everything else is okay, although I would like to note that although it's totally fine that she's 22, she wouldn't be allowed in the Games themselves because the reaping ages are 12-18.
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Tori2349
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Age : 17

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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Wed Jun 18, 2014 7:14 am

Okay thx ! I just fixed Skylar so if you could check her out one more time that would be great!

P. S. Sorry for having u check a lot lol I want to have enough characters for the games.
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Thu Jun 19, 2014 4:17 pm

Throwing a javelin 100 yards is close to a record. Please choose something more realistic. Other than that, I do not see any further issues.
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Tori2349
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Age : 17

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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Thu Jun 19, 2014 4:21 pm

there fixed it again
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Thu Jun 19, 2014 4:41 pm

Skylar is accepted.
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Mon Jun 30, 2014 4:38 pm

Spencer is accepted. BUT, due to the fact that his father is a baker, please fill out the first form Here, so we can keep track of the different filled occupations Smile
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Tori2349
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Age : 17

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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Sat Jul 26, 2014 11:23 am

Name: Grayson Channing
Age/Birthday: 18 years old, 21st of march
Gender: Male
District: 5
Rich or Poor: Poor
Weapon Of Choice:Katana
Physical Appearance: Grayson has ashy blond hair. With blue eyes and a gently smile. He wears very ordinary clothes. He also has a very average height.
Personality: Grayson is very kind, but he never really knew what its like to love someone growing up. He is mostly tough especially on himself. He always strides for success, and he loves watching the sunsets every day into every night. Lastly he is very into hunting he like to hunt to get his mind off of the terrible world he lives in.
Flaw: Grayson is not very good at running he tends to trip a lot.
Talents: Talented in hunting, throwing knifes, and handy with a sword.
Family: Grayson grew up with no family at all his mother abandoned him when he was only three. His father was too emotionally broken to take care of him so he killed him self. 
Pets: cat named kitty
Brief History: Grayson had a different childhood then any other kid he knew of. When his mother left him and his father when Grayson was only 1, his father was to emotionally broken to take care of his own son. He naturally put Grayson up for adoption at a foster home. Years had gone by and no one wanted to adopt Grayson. Eventually Grayson was old enough to live on his own so that's what he did. He taught him self how to cook clean have a steady job to provide for him self. 
Preferred Angles: happy, cute, interesting
Angles this tribute will not do: rude, weak, scrawny
Token: none
Other:

NOTE: THIS CHARACTER IS DONE!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Sat Jul 26, 2014 11:46 am

Name: Hunter Johnson
Age/Birthday: 15 Years Old, Born on 26th of December
Gender: Male
District: 11
Rich or Poor: Poor
Weapon Of Choice: Axe
Physical Appearance: Hunter is a dark brunett with hazel eyes and tall figure. He is very average when it comes to clothing he does this to blend in with the other people in the district. He is very slim which makes is easy for him to slide in between small places. He is also very strong. 
Personality: Hunter is very sweet and kind he is happy basically all the time. He knows that even though times are tough in the district he can still make people smile and have a little happiness. He is proud to have a good education and is very grateful for every thing his parents have provided him. Hunter is scared though (he does not want to be picked for the games).
Flaw: Hunter is not very good at hiding,and he is not very good at finding shelter.
Talents: Hunter gets very accurate head shots when throwing and axe. He is very smart on where to place traps. He is also very good at staying quiet.
Family: Hunter's mother was just like any other ordinary house wife she cooked, cleaned, and took care of the children. Hunter's father was a farmer for the district he worked and provided food for the family. Hunter had always wanted a sibling, but he is an only child. Hunter even wanted a pet at one point and his parents had said no because pets are too much work.
Pets: None
Brief History:  Hunter had a very average childhood. He played outside, had friends, laughed, and had fun. Just like any other kid he went to school got a good education. He hopes to eventually find love. He would even like to have a family of his own.
Preferred Angles: powerful, Cool, Smart
Angles this tribute will not do: Grumpy, unhappy, rude
Token: Necklace of wheat.
Other:


NOTE: THIS CHARACTER IS DONE!!!


Last edited by Tori2349 on Sat Jul 26, 2014 2:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Sat Jul 26, 2014 12:00 pm

Grayson is accepted!

Hunter doesn't seem to have any major problems, but please expand on his flaw or add another. Thanks!
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Tori2349
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Sat Jul 26, 2014 2:08 pm

oh okay thanks!! i did not realize it lol
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:53 am

Name: Abbie Taylor
Age/Birthday: 12 years old, 8th of July
Gender: Female
District: 9
Rich or Poor: Rich
Weapon Of Choice: Hatchet
Physical Appearance: Abbie is a dirty blond that is a little short she is 5'2 and weighs about 88 pounds. She is very unique she is told by the clothes she wears. She is not ordinary like anyone else she dresses up like the people in the capitol all the time. She is also very happy and perky like the people in the capitol.
Personality: Abbie is very a very happy and perky kid all the time. She loves to hang out with her friends and study the capitol. She goes to every hunger games reaping hoping she would get picked so she can go to the capitol. She doesn't care if she dies in the games she would just be glad to be picked so she could go to the capitol.
Flaw: Abbie is not the best at blending in, so to speak, She loves to be different even if it means wearing the brightest clothing out of everyone in her district.
Talents: Abbie is good at many things she is good at making people smile, she is very handy with her hatchet, and is very flexible.
Family: Abbie has her mother, father, and no siblings. when the reapings do come around she would feel sad if she got picked because she is her parents only child. Abbie's father is a peacekeeper so when every Abbie does something wrong it is very hard on her father. Abbies mother is a stay's at home to take care of Abbie to help make sure she does not do anything wrong. Abbie is very pressured to she would not want to get in trouble by her father.
Pets: None
Brief History: Abbie has had a very easy childhood so to say. She has gone go school, always has done what she is told. There is one thing that abbie has always wanted to to do though. Abbie has wanted to have a different childhood one that leaves her on edge. Not one that always keeps her in line and safe. She wants to take risks.

Preferred Angles:Happy, bright, kind
Angles this tribute will not do: rude, selfish, uncaring
Token: None
Other:

NOTE: THIS CHARACTER IS DONE!!!


Last edited by Tori2349 on Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:41 pm; edited 3 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:55 am

Name: Maddie Turner
Age/Birthday: 16 years old, born on the 15th of May
Gender: Female
District: 8
Rich or Poor: Rich
Weapon Of Choice: Knife
Physical Appearance: Maddie is a blond, short haired girl who is 5'7 and weighs about 150 pounds. Maddie loves to wear a purple v-neck shirt and some cute shorts she decorated herself. Maddie has brown eyes and some dimples. She also loves to wear some old, black, converse she has.
Personality: Maddie is a goofball. She is funny and loves to make other people laugh, especially her friends. She is also tough, meaning if you make her made she will not be so happy to you. She can be very vicious if you get on her bad side.
Flaw: Maddie is not very skilled. Maddie has very few talents and is not very good at anything else.
Talents: Good weaver, Good at sewing, Good at cooking
Family: Mother: Jill Turner Father: Robert Turner Sister: Grace Turner
Pets: dog named macy
Brief History: Maddie has had a very easy life she can do almost anything she wants. Her family is very successful in the textiles industry. Maddie and her sister have been very lucky to go to school. They have never had to worry about food, or if they were gonna be poor. They were on of the considered "Lucky" family's in their district. 
Preferred Angles: small, cute, funny
Angles this tribute will not do: Stupid, annoying, terrible
Token: Piece of cloth with a number 8 on it.
Other: She loves to make her own clothes.

NOTE: THIS CHARACTER IS DONE!!!


Last edited by Tori2349 on Mon Jul 28, 2014 10:05 am; edited 3 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Now2349's New Character   Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:56 am

Name: Dylan Collins
Age/Birthday: 17 years old, born on the 26th of June
Gender: Male
District: 7
Rich or Poor: Poor
Weapon Of Choice: Scythe
Physical Appearance: Dylan is a tall skinny guy that is 5'8 and weights about 1
Personality: (Must be at least 4 real sentences.)
Flaw: Dylan is not very good at keeping quiet. He is not good at keeping secrets because he feels pressured to keep them so he blurts them out.
Talents: Dylan is good at writing stories. He gets ideas based of off his own life. He is also good at drawling pictures to go along with his stories. Lastly, Dylan is pretty good at selling the books he writes.
Family: (Mother, father, siblings [if any.])
Pets: None
Brief History: (Must be at least 4 sentences.)
Preferred Angles: cool, great writer, amazing
Angles this tribute will not do: Loud, obnoxious, mean
Token: none
Other:


NOTE: THIS CHARACTER IS NOT DONE!!


Last edited by Tori2349 on Mon Jul 28, 2014 10:08 am; edited 3 times in total
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