Happy First Anniversary

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Having found herself unable to sleep anyway, Annie was taking a walk around the district, exploring the places everyone else seemed to know about already but that she had never seen. She'd found some little hidden nooks and hideouts and flower bushes where you wouldn't expect there to be flower bushes, but nothing as exciting as what she saw when she turned the corner. Annie couldn't help but smile as her gaze fell on a large, seemingly abandoned barn blocking her path. "Hello?" she called softly, walking forward and gingerly placing a hand on one of the old wooden walls. She didn't hear any response, but she thought she heard some muffled thudding noises coming from inside. Annie hurried along the wall until she found an entrance and peered in. "Anyone there?" she asked, slightly louder this time. She was pretty sure she could see a figure throwing stuff across the barn, but wasn't sure who they were in the dim light. Annie realized they were throwing knives, and looked kind of upset. "Hey... are you okay?" She took a few steps closer, and suddenly recognized the guy. "Oh, hey, it's horse boy!" she teased, a smile instantly lighting up her face when she saw him. "Is... uh... is something wrong? Because I totally could have come in a different door and gotten impaled, with our track record."

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Annie laughed at his nickname for her, dipping her head and twirling her hand in a little mock bow. "At your service." She sat down next to him in the space he'd made and shrugged at his question. "Couldn't sleep." She smiled when she said her name wasn't on his list of people to hurt. "I knew it wasn't an accident," she teased him, looking at the knives on his shoulder. She wondered what at occasion he'd had to learn to use them. She felt a sense of relief at his denial of being upset and his grin, but didn't really believe him. Her suspicions were confirmed almost momentarily, as he shook his head and mentioned something about someone's death being his fault. Annie pursed her lips. She wasn't sure what context this made sense in, but she guessed it might have something to do with what Derald had been upset with before and why he'd basically disappeared for the past month or two. "Well, um, whatever happened, I'm sure there was nothing you could have done," she began, choosing her words carefully, "but I don't actually know what you mean. If you want some generic words of advice for loss, I can give you that, but if you want to talk about it, like, really talk, I'm here. If you want a distraction, well... again, I'm here if you need be. We can make breakfast or sew little hats for dogs or something." She sighed, and wrapped her arm around his shoulder to give him a quick hug before setting her hands back in her lap. "But as fun as that sounds, my not-so-professional opinion is that you might not want to bury it all inside for too long. Wounds don't stop hurting just because you've hidden them."

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As much as she scolded herself for it, Annie initial reaction to Derald's confession was so THAT'S why he looked familiar! She bit her lip and looked down at her hands, fiddling with the edge of her shirt. How does one react to that? she wondered, dumbstruck. Annie took a breath and tried to formulate words, glancing up at Derald. "Uh... that kind of explains some stuff," she said slowly. "I'm sorry." She hated how useless and typical the words sounded. Pity was an emotion carried by random passerby, people ill-equipped for a personal emotional reaction. Annie took a second to organize her thoughts. She'd dealt with petty family situations before, but nothing this heavy. "I know you must get that all the time, I just-" she paused to swallow, having some difficulty expressing or even understanding herself. "I'm really sorry that that happened, I guess. That really, really sucks... but you know that, obviously. Um..." Annie knew she was stammering but didn't really know how to stop. "It's not your fault. It is so, so far from your fault. Honestly, it's freaking impressive you can still smile, or function, even." She hesitated again, feeling like she was finally making some progress with speaking. "To tell you the truth, I can't legitimately empathize with that, but I'll listen and I swear, if you want, I'll give you as much council as I can." She wanted to show that she supported him, but she didn't want to end up saying something that made him feel worse. Annie was surprised it was the mentoring bit that appeared to be bothering him most right now rather than the games themselves, although she figured they kind of came both as a bundle and in waves, one after the other. She couldn't even begin to imagine how painful it must be for him, but she was desperate to help in any way she could.

"I mean, it's an undeniably cruel process. Not only do you have to go through that the first time, but then you have to go and relive it and see others fall on the same path that caused you so much suffering. Of course there's going to be guilt and trauma. But thought it's perfectly natural, it's not fair to yourself to take the blame. You didn't sign up for it, there's no way you could have even been prepared for it. 22 other people died, and that's just these games. Besides, he- he got pretty far, didn't he?" She didn't quite remember every detail from the games, as she usually tried to put it out of her mind, but she vaguely remembered the kid from their district almost making it to the end. "Final four or something, wasn't it? For your first year of mentoring? Hell, you wouldn't be wrong to celebrate... you gave this kid everything you could, knowing you. It's not your fault he's dead, not in the slightest. You're part of the reason he lasted so long. You helped him survive. There was nothing you could do." Annie felt like a broken record, repeating the same tired words of wisdom over and over again. She lowered her head and leaned into Derald's shoulder. She would have reached out further, but he'd seemed slightly uneasy with her hug, so more human contact was maybe not the best idea. "I'm pretty far from the authority on this, though, and I could be totally off, but one thing I can say with utter confidence is that you are not to blame for this kid's death, or any death in any Hunger Games. That honor goes to the lovely Capitol," she scoffed. "You did all you could do, and he probably would have died even sooner without you. Mentoring teenagers on how to survive shouldn't even be your responsibility."

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Annie stayed silent for a while after her rambling, making sure to let Derald have time to formulate a proper response. Despite the grave topic of conversation, she was enjoying just sitting there next to him, with her head on his shoulder and his arm around hers. You're supposed to be the one making him feel better, remember? she scolded herself. Annie nodded when he said life went on. She was relieved he seemed to be taking it pretty well, because she wasn't very confident in her advice in this situation and she was always scared she'd end up making someone feel worse. "Psh, look at that, you don't need my help at all." Annie giggled when he called her a sweetheart. "You're not so bad yourself," she said, poking him lightly on the arm in a playful manner. When he said breakfast sounded good, she let her eyes wander up to a hole in the ceiling where a board had come loose and light was trickling in. "It's the right time for it, anyway. Good thing we got up early... though breakfast food works for all occasions, yeah?" She laughed and got to her feet, pulling him up. "Come on. We can go to my house, but it's kind of... crowded. Also, once everyone woke up, you'd probably get a lot of questions from my parents and a lot of flirting from, like, three of my sisters. Well, my sister and my cousin. Um, if you don't mind, maybe we should go to your house. Besides," she added, grinning, "I want to meet Tess."