These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~

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These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~ Tumblr_inline_mubmsffnTK1rpl29c

So this was what it was like, fighting. Annie had fought with siblings before, but it wasn't the same. Sibling fights were usually guaranteed to end up being forgotten after a few days, and there was no real worry there about ruining relationships. For the most part, you lived in the same house, were forced to spend time with eachother, and at the end of the day, you were family. One fight wouldn't matter in the long run. This was not so easy. There was no obvious, eventual, positive end to the situation here. Couples broke up all the time. This was also Annie's first fight with Derald, and the only time she'd ever seen him angry, which was jarring. Does it just go away? she wondered. All the love and affection and cute moments? Do they just cease to exist when one little thing goes wrong? It was hard to remember what they were even mad about, simply being mad at Derald was so foreign and distracting. Had he been mad at her? Had she been mad at him? How had this whole thing started? Was it something petty that got blown out of proportion, or was this argument necessary? "You know I'm trying to help you," Annie said slowly, her voice low and tense, "but I don't know what else to do. Do you want me to apologize? Do you want me to scream at you?!" Might be easier to do the second thing. It was like if you grew up next door to a lovely family your whole life, got along, had dinner parties, babysat, made family friends, and then one day they disappeared and you found out they were prime suspects in a murder case. Annie didn't know how to handle it. They'd been dating for a little while now, and everything had been going pretty well until today. Is this a sign? Was this all a mistake? Or is this the kind of thing we laugh about when we're forty and married with two kids and a white picket fence? Annie hated this. She wanted to be the person Derald came to when he was upset over fighting with someone else, not the person he was fighting with. Who were you supposed to talk to when your go-to confidant was the cause of the problem? Siblings, friends? Annie's aunt already disapproved of Derald enough as it was, and she didn't want to leave and went to her friends about this. If she left the house, if she talked about this fight in the past, then it was real and not just a spat. It felt real; it felt important, but it felt terrible.

These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~ BwTEbUx

These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~ Tumblr_mozpl6umZg1r032zxo4_250

Derald rubbed his face with both hands as he sighed loudly. This was not how it was suppose to end up. This was suppose to be a simple chat about Dusk and he didn't what happened. How did this get so out of hand with both of them yelling at each other? He hated this so much, it was horrible, to hear someone you love yelling at you, and you at them. He don't know what got into him but somehow he just... exploded. It felt relieving for half a second when he shouted all the frustration out, but it just continued, on and on and on. Luckily there wasn't anyone around here in the Victor Village right now other than Darrin and Tess. Everything that wasn't helping Dusk was annoying. And he was letting that side get the better of him. He couldn't even stop it, his mouth just decided to spat out all those awful things at Annie without any permission. "No, I don't know. Ya don't get it, do ya? Ya can't just make everything go away just by TALKING about it," he towered over her as he said it through his tensed jaws. He took a step back as he turned around to rub his headache away, "You're already screaming me!" Dusk never gotten this sick before and it was unnerving. And they needed to do something about it. No one's exactly qualified to be a vet around here and everyone just takes care of their own animals and now Derald thinks that it's freaking stupid. Darrin was still trying to find out what's wrong with her and Tess has been out getting any remedies they ran out of. Whatever it was, it was serious. And Derald don't have time to deal with this at all, but he unknowingly did. His logic has just been blinded by the need to make sure Dusk gets out of this and Annie trying to help isn't helping at all. He just.. needed to sort things out with Dusk, with her, with everything.

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These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~ Tumblr_mlbpdvEFbd1rk6fbvo3_250

Annie crossed her arms over her chest and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. This wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be like this. "You never seemed to have a problem with it before," she muttered. She didn't understand why they were even fighting. They both wanted Dusk to be okay, and she told herself he was just stressed out and taking out his anger in the wrong place, but it didn't feel like that. She wanted to let him get the frustration out, she didn't want this to blow up in their faces, and yet she couldn't keep from getting defensive when he was yelling at her. "There's nothing else I can do! I'm sorry, okay? It's not like I want her to be sick! You don't have to scream at me!" Annie looked up at Derald with a scowl. "I am not the enemy here. I can't magically make her okay- I can't magically make anything okay! I'm not perfect. Neither are you. Nobody is. You're just about at useless as I am right now, and I know you're angry, and that's fine, but there's no need to take it out on me! We shouldn't be fighting, we should be trying to figure out a way for her to get better, unless there's something else you'd like to accuse me of?" She narrowed her eyes, refusing to take a step back even though he was towering over her. Annie's mind was racing. The angry words left a bitter taste in her mouth, and as much as she wanted to stop screaming at him and tell him Dusk was strong - that she would pull through, that everything was gonna be okay, and that if it wasn't, that was okay too because animals died all the time, especially on farms, and it sucked, but she'd lived a long, happy life and was in a better place now - she couldn't. He wasn't in a mood to listen to it, anyway.

These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~ Tumblr_mozpgwUFM51r032zxo3_250

He didn't even hear her mutter something out with so much things running through his mind. How is Dusk doing? Is she vomiting again? Maybe it's just a fever. Why was Annie so mad? Why was he so mad? He don't know. He don't know anything at this point in time anymore. But the last thing on his mind was did he hurt her feelings? To justify it, it was on his mind, at the back of it, nagging him under all his other worries. "I ain't screaming at you!" He threw his hands up. They were outside his house with the front doors closed and it all started in the morning, when he noticed Dusk just curling up in his bed beside him, whining. "I ain't asking ya to be perfect! Where did ya even get that idea from?!" He ran a hand through his hair not looking at her in the eye as he continued, "Sure I'm as useless as you are, happy? But at least I'm tryin' to do something about it and figurin' out what the hell's wrong with Dusk." He remembered how he used to not be able to only take glances to stare into her eyes, this was not the same reason. His head continued to pound while her words spill over into his mind, "Why are you being like this?" he mumbled under his breath to himself, shaking his head before walking back up to her. His voice became strained, "Ya don't know what it feels like to have your friend die right in front of you, in your arms. I'm not gonna let that happen again." He can't believe that he was bringing this into their fight. It came out before it processed, like his mind wanted to pull back the memories of the past out of spite.

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These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~ Tumblr_mknghfHdgD1qmohc9o4_250

Annie had never felt so miserable in her life. Her head hurt, her heart her, her eyes were stinging, and she felt like she was going to throw up. Most of all, she felt like crying. Tears were threatening to erupt any second, and he held them back as best she could. She didn't know why, but she didn't want him to see her cry right now, even if it might make him feel guilty. "Why am I being like this? You blew up at me for no reason! I don't know how to help Dusk, so I was trying to help you!" She couldn't imagine what she'd do if Paulie or one of the corgis got sick. They were so full of energy, so lively. Imagining them in pain made her want to cry even more. She wasn't particularly soft-hearted. She'd seen animals killed on the farm before. She'd seen her friends die in the Games. She figured Derald had an even harder heart than her, despite his usual happy-go-lucky attitude. This argument hurt, though. It wasn't a type of hurt she'd really experienced before. She hardly even knew why it was happening. He's just upset, she told herself. You need to be there for him. Then he said something that made Annie freeze. She was silent for a moment, not moving a muscle. She took a deep, strained breath in, and slowly began to speak. "No. I don't. I've also never killed another human being. None of my family has ever died. We've lost farm animals, I've lost friends, I've been the reason that one of my best friends died, but no. Not right in front of me. I didn't get that oppurtunity. I'm sorry that you've suffered more than I have, and I'm sorry if you think that means I don't care, but this is not my fault, and it is completely unfair of you to bring that up." Annie finished her little rant and exhaled. Whoops. She hadn't meant to go off on him like that. She wished more than anything she could just apologize and he would stop yelling at her and they would stop fighting and Dusk would be okay. The sensible part of Annie's mind assured her that neither of them were thinking rationally, that she should just leave and let him cool off. She wasn't in a state to listen to that part right now, though. She could hear her heart pounding angrily against her ribs, like it was trying to tear its way out of her chest. There was a rushing sound in her ears. "I can't help her. I wish to god I could. If blaming me for that makes this easier for you, fine. Scream at me all you want. You might just lose another friend in the process," Annie spat. She regretted the words as soon as they'd left her mouth. Not for telling him she'd be pissed at him later, but for the way she said it. She hated reminding him of it, even if he'd brought it up in the first place. She wanted Derald to be happy, not to lose someone else, if he even cared about her anymore after this. She couldn't take it back now, though, and she was hardly willing to try.

These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~ Tumblr_mozpgwUFM51r032zxo2_250

Derald crossed him arms as he let her shout at him, tapping his foot rapidly. Obviously, nothing was really sinking in for the both of them, or maybe everything was sinking in too much, too much make them both overthink it. "What if I don't need your help?!" He took a step forward as he felt his mouth itching to let even more disgusting words out. At that moment, he really wanted to just bury this away for just a second, to get back to Dusk. He don't want to deal with this right now, or later, or ever. Can things just shut up and go back to normal? What is normal anyways, 'normal' disintegrated when he stepped up onto that stage with his name being labeled as Tribute for the 35th Hunger Games. "See? You always jump into conclusions by yourself! When did I say that I've suffered more then you? When did I ever say that ya didn't care?!" His voice continued to get louder with each word, "Unfair? How's that even unfair?" He let out a single laugh of disbelief. Derald could feel the agitation showing in his cheeks, his hands, his voice. But seeing her eyes getting glassy almost made him realise what the hell he was even saying to her. Almost. The frustration was way more blinding than his conscience. "I never blamed you for anything! God... Just-" He cut her off halfway the moment she mentioned about blame. And he was cut right back as she continued while shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, squeezing the head and heart pain away. He looked up from the ground to stare dead straight at her, feeling a stab right in his chest when she had to say it. She had to bring that up. It was a second of vulnerability, a second of hesitation before it returned to the hard mask of anger. He just lowered his voice, "I've already lost so many. And I'm prolly losing another one back in that house right now, why stop there, right?" He could never ever think of losing Annie, he don't want to, but right now the dominant side of his mind is just thinking of ways to get her away from him so that he could still try to do something.

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These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~ Tumblr_mvt5q34lFm1qhkkp7o1_250

These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~ Tumblr_mvt5q34lFm1qhkkp7o2_250

((lyrics don't actually apply but idk it fits the mood))

Annie knew she shouldn't have said that. She was incredibly angry at Derald, but the look in his eyes and the expression on his face still made her feel awful. "I didn't mean-" she began. But she had, hadn't she? The realization hit her like a brick wall to the face. I am a terrible person, Annie thought suddenly. Derald was upset, which was perfectly reasonable. That didn't mean he was completely blameless for yelling at her; it just meant she should cut him some slack, and she'd honestly intended to try. What had gone wrong? Annie supposed she must have gotten caught up in the tension of the argument. Now she was more furious with herself than she was mad at him. She was supposed to be the one who listened and helped and gave support, and the second he didn't respond well to that, she'd given up? "Look, like I said..." Annie began, taking a deep breath. "I don't know what you need. What she needs," She forced her mind to picture that betrayed look in Derald's eyes over and over and over to keep from getting angry again, even if it hurt. "If you needed me to go across the district and to get something that would help Dusk, I would run faster than I've ever run in my life. If you needed to dig through a huge pile of trash to find some magical cure recipe that you'd accidentally thrown out, I would dive in head-first. If you needed me to slash my arm open for some kind of obscure blood salve to save her, I would already be holding the knife. If you needed me to put her out of her misery because you couldn't bear to do it yourself, I would, and when you needed a shoulder to cry on, I would be there. I would do any of that and more in a heartbeat. For Dusk. For you. But I don't know what you need, and unfortunately, it's not that easy. So I'm going to leave. I don't want to abandon you like this, and I don't want to abandon Dusk, but clearly me being here is only making it worse. You said you didn't need my help anyway, right?" Annie swallowed. And I hope you're happy, because I'm sure as hell not. She wasn't exactly excited to sit at home not knowing whether Dusk had made it through or not, and whether Derald needed her to be there or not. "I'm sorry, and I hope she's okay. I really do. Goodbye, Derald," Annie said sharply. Something else had occurred to her, but it definitely wasn't the right time to bring it up. She turned around so he wouldn't see her cry and tore herself away from the house, from Dusk, from him. She didn't know what she was supposed to do now. Distract her fretting brain with farm chores, maybe. She certainly wouldn't be able to sleep. Annie sighed and stepped out of the door. It was going to be a long night.

These words are knives and often leave scars, the fear of falling apart~ Tumblr_mozpgwUFM51r032zxo4_250

Derald's eye soften as he felt the anger in both of them simmer away. "Annie I-" He stopped there, what did he even want to tell her? He tried to say something in the middle of her rant but don't even know what he wanted to say. So Annie just continued on as he stood there silently. Even he don't know what he needs, how could he possibly ask her to go helping him like a headless chicken? He held back a chuckle when he thought of her digging through the trash for some hocus pocus cure but he quickly covered it up, looking away from her. Hearing all these sacrifices she was willing to make. That's the thing. She's always so selfless, always wanting to help others, always putting herself last. He wanted her to think for herself too. He thinks.. maybe that was what got him all riled up. That she was always taking care of others, taking care of him, and what about her own self? He should say something. Anything. But it wasn't coming out. He felt miserable listening to her like this, worse when he just stands there silently. When he heard her quote words right out of his mouth glanced to her. ...Was that what he said? He can't recall clearly in this moment. Just.. leave me alone. the back of his mind begged, not wanting this to crumble any further, I'll fix Dusk up, I don't want to kill another friend. He wanted to reach out to her, hug her, ask her to stay, tell her he was sorry, but he also wanted her gone, wanted her to not see this broken side of him, wanted her to not worry over him for one minute, and think about herself. The later seemed to be stronger, restraining his hand from reach up to grab hers from leaving. Goodbye, Derald. It sounded so familiar, so horrid. Like it would be her last that she would ever call out to him. And then she was gone. Why the hell is there a good in goodbye anyways? Goodbyes never end well, no one's ever good. He watched her go and disappear before he dropped his pounding head to rest it on the wall, one arm up on it to weakly bang on it once. He fucked up. But the nagging in his mind told him he had more things to worry over right now, no matter how bad things were between Annie and him. He pulled the door open and strode back inside to where his family was. "How is she?" Derald mumbled, bending down to give his companion a comforting stroke on her back. Darrin was cleaning up the mess she made. "How is she? What in tarnation happened?" Tess hissed at her cousin while she was preparing the medicine. "I'll fix it, okay? It's... fine." He sighed, starting to feel around Dusk tummy for the pain. They knew what was wrong with her, but where the wrong is is a whole different issue. They can fix this. They dealt with all kinds of sick animals before, what's so different from a dog? And somewhere in his head, it just repeated reminded him, Annie, Annie, Annie. But he continued to diagnose Dusk, writing down the list of possible medicine that would probably work. He needed to focus here. Focus. ..It was going to be a long night.